Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't deserve a penis
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
