I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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