im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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