Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
