i barfeds in our rink
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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