so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
