It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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