I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
