Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
