Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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