the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
