HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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