I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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