Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
