Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
