I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
