Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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