I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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