So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
