there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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