I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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