i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
