Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
