someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
