did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
