You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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