That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
