If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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