grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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