There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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