Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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