Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
