just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
