i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
