Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
