now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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