JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
