its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
