The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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