Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
