Pappa wants mamma naked
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
