it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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