it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
