Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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