Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
