You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
