I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
