Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
