Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
