oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
