She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
