forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
