Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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