Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
