Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
